Poetry Forum

south wind fireworks
thunderheads move like dragons
river frogs croak rain

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south wind fireworks
thunderheads move like dragons
river frogs and rain

the storm is perfectly set

is croak needed? or is river frogs and rain enough.
just an option as the last line does work

Croak might be expendable.
Are you suggesting something like

rver frogs, rain ?

or

river frogs and rain.
while words like and are frowned on so is punctuation ( it's what i've read but i'm sure neither is written in stone and there must be exceptions)

Ok, edit is up. I'm liking the original, but gonna leave both versions and let it sit a bit.

that's actually a good way to go. i prefer the latter of course

I think the last version has a better flow!

Thank you, soonforgotten.