“So, The Wind Blows?”

[Erthona]

Sometimes one must offend ones grammar in order to become new hung! Beside why become young and still hung with the same rope you originally brung.
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I claim nowhere this is a good poem, although like Hamlet, I think there are parts worth noting!
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"Overall this is probably a little too enigmatic for old purists like me"

I think you are being charitable here and that you probably felt as noted above that there were decent parts about him, just not enough to make a man. I also suspect it is too enigmatic for most if not all. Although it is quite bursting at the seams, and I am sure I could have easily written it to cover ten times the geography as this, but as I was only assured of a longer poem, in the end I refraimed. They asked EBB about Robert Browning and what his poems meant, she responded, "only God and Mr. Browning know what Mr. Brownings poems mean, and at times I am unsure of Mr. Browning". So often I feel about myself, although I am always clear at the moment of conceptions, and then again at birth. Yet sometimes having another child (poem) to raise often seems to cloud my mind, as the birthing requires so much energy. I suspect that this is one of those poems that one has to be at a high energy level to get much from, and when at a lower energy it will begin to resemble gibberish. At the moment I can't speak to it's value as haven't a clue, but it may well have to pass back through the curicible a time or two Fortunately I know the underlying premiss so I can discuss that, if not provide enl;ightenment.
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Yes, quite right on most your comma slaying
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Probably I was to vague here, or maybe the image of young and hung just overwhelms everything else. Sometimes we are too young to understand things and we must wait until we are older, however, some are born too old and must wait until they get young (get as in "get in shape"). I probably shouldn't go into this... but OK, here goes (after all, misunderstanding is as good as silence). The question: Are archetypes static, or do they change with our understanding and comprehension of them? And in a sense, do they start out old (inflexible) and become young (flexible)? (and is this a reflection of our own mind?) And if they do, how can one demonstrate this? This is the premiss of the poem, not its meaning. Ok, and onward.

unnoted tongue: without music, unknown language, and unnoticed. Take your pick, they all apply.

"You could drop the "here's" and allow "paying" its full quota of syllables." I agree

"the should-er is dead," sounds like "shitter" the repressive voice inside out heads that continues to tell us what we should have done after the fact. The unrestricted voice of shame so to speak. When it is told (fed) the correct things, it is poisoned and dies.

"but the "he" in L4 could be capitalised as it sits unsecured with the "them" in S2, L4"
"them"? I don't know about a them, but "he" ="truth" so I could cap them both. The idea being that fiction often carries more truth than does fact. We learn more truth of humanity from Shakespeare than all the books written on human psychology.
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It's true, I could change the title. I just have no idea what I would change it to!

As always, thanks for your comments,

Dale

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penguin,

I mentioned the Briggs book, so as to note (as I was unsure how close I was to his title) I was not trying to lift from him and not acknowledge it, otherwise you are correct, it has little to do with this poem other than the general idea about an approaching storm bringing trouble.
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Thanks for your comments. Yes there is some tightening up in some of the lines that need doing.
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'I'm not sure what exactly you're saying that you no longer do."

I think you are reading from an inaccurate premise, as "I, the writer" am not the speaker, or at least no more so than anybody else, so this does not apply to me personally at all (very little of what I write does).

Thanks again for your comments. I know I didn't note all here, but those have been mostly address elsewhere.

Thanks,


Dale