(adult sexual content) Motionless

[Chaotic Body]

It's also hard to make unconsciousness helplessness interesting. There's nothing at stake for the woman. She may as well be a corpse. If you abuse her in front of her tied up child (for example) though well you raise the stakes. There has to be someone struggling to stop it all for there to be any intensity.

She's awake but not moving, fully consensual, I should add that.. I had no intention of portraying rape and definitely the perversion of traditional consensual sex (note: physical movement) is really what is supposed to drive the shock to the reader more than any kind of rape. I could add prostitution, definitely more substance as to why such a situation came about would be better..?

It's also very hard to compete with visual media. A picture or a film will always trump a graphic written display. The way a poem can trump film is by what it implies but doesn't show us. You need more implication and less display. The slasher advancing slowly and the car that won't turn over are always more scary than the actual killing.

Yeah I definitely understand this

Obviously you have something in your head, but it does not say more than a man and woman are having sex, with a 'sick perversion' thrown in. If you mean rape, you should be clearer; after all, verses three and four spell out for us what we should think. But take no notice of me: I am a rotten critic, and tired.And I am a bit of prude. I should have skipped it.

Welcome to the Pig!

Thanks, particularly that I had lead what to think, I didn't notice that!

That's what I was thinking, that I don't really say enough to convey what I'm imagining, but I'm pretty certain this particular sexual fetish is very taboo.. something about the non-physical-participation resembling rape, which it isn't in this case

But, prostitution caused by poverty, isn't so far from rape?
I should add that detail into the story but it's form over substance, I need a clear thing to convey.. I guess I didn't pick a good enough message to start with

But I am still really pleased with the outcome, the last verse in particular and how I twisted it but it's relevant (at least in my imagination)