Initiation

[Philatone]

hey!
what I thought as I read

"I'm the best parent", said God,
"I don't spank or call kids names.
I won't smash your self esteem
so as to reinforce my own." ...think the "so as" could be trimmed if desired

He poured Himself another drink,
His cummerbund came loose,
outside the study door
talk flittered like distant birds.

"All the beauties of the earth
and everything which waits beyond,
apple trees devoid of root,
love making devoid of end,
could be wrapped like toys
and given you on your deathday. ...I found there to be a tone switch of sorts between how he talks in the first stanza and this one. here, it seems more grandiose and eloquent than his first words

And what can mortals offer you?
A childhood of slamming doors,
penny pinching, sacrifice,
disapproval at whatever you do
(which some use Me to justify). ...agree with the sentiments you have here...

Hand over your care to Me,
repent when repentance is due,
and all the suffering you feel
will one day be repaid with life."...as with here, though, for a poem, it did strike me as a bit direct

The boy picked the flower poked through his lapel ...stumbled a bit on this line the first time i read; thought "poked" was a verb initially
by his mother that evening.
He remembered being told to shush
by his father in the car....could be a semicolon instead of a period to draw the connection more I think/make the last two lines a complete sentence
The teacher who with kindly hand
patronised his penmanship....a bit verbose. what does "kindly hand" mean? a comment left on the page? could you describe that more?

And signed over his soul to God. ....rather strongly worded; i think more subtlety could work wonders for the close