01-24-2012, 10:25 PM
i won't give a line by line. i liked it. it made me smile.
if i had a not i'd have left it ambiguous at the end and left out god but i think that's just me.
the prose part of the poem doesn't bother me overly though i think some assonance, consonance, etc (poetic devices) wouldn't have gone amiss.
i think the devils prose could be made clear it's his.
the cummerbund coming loose was a great line i thought, and the 2nd stanza the best jmo.
should it be their self esteem, or is he talking about the devil's esteem?
as i sadi, i really like it but i think it needs a minor edit.
if i had a not i'd have left it ambiguous at the end and left out god but i think that's just me.
the prose part of the poem doesn't bother me overly though i think some assonance, consonance, etc (poetic devices) wouldn't have gone amiss.
i think the devils prose could be made clear it's his.
the cummerbund coming loose was a great line i thought, and the 2nd stanza the best jmo.
should it be their self esteem, or is he talking about the devil's esteem?
as i sadi, i really like it but i think it needs a minor edit.