First effort for the serious board

[only rob]

Welcome to serious critique, Rob This poem manages a sense of abandon and deep connection at the same time, quite a feat. Sin has always been a puzzlement to me -- who knows what's going to offend God this week? It varies according to the convenience of His mouthpiece du jour. To me your dance is a prayer more valid than those prescribed by rigidly outdated moral codes. I really enjoyed this, thanks for posting.

Dancing With Myself II


Absent interaction, loves deft touch -- should this be love's? Or if it's "absent interaction loves", then the comma should come out
I paint myself across the night
pelvis, charming the stars
Glad bedlam of limbs -- nice line! There's some great assonance and alliteration in this stanza

all akimbo, all swirling circles -- I'm not sure that "all" warrants repetition, it's not a strong word, especially as it turns up in the next line also -- what would you think of "all akimbo, circles aswirl"?
to mimic Luna, all bare feet
dancing in emerging dew
ten pink flowers -- you must have delicate tootsies Really nice metaphor
seducing the earth with
secret rhythms

not gay, but gay
despite Walt’s apt description -- perfect intertext
of my electric body, my
glorious intercourse with
be-ing, my -- excellent line breaks in L4 & 5
happy affront to some assumed
definition of decency
my farmer’s elation at the touch
of living soil -- this brings us back down to earth, or rather, it lifts the earth to the same level as the celestial

It is not moot that I dance alone
naked
that such frolic, not observed
by any prying eye
serves to make my peace
as if this dervish flees
the machinery of day
to warm obsidian night -- spectacular piece of introspection

and so preclude societies whim -- society's?
that I wax jovial in my suit
of slippery skin -- the near rhyme of whim/skin sounds lovely
that I begin to express -- instead of "that I", perhaps you would just try "and", to avoid repetitions that aren't reinforcing anything
the simplest sort of joy
free, free, free
of the very concept -- I would love to see a more concrete adjective than "very" here
of sin

Thank you, maam. Doing an edit. Your notes are appreciated.