The Second Mirror Avoids the Question (Revision
#10
(07-22-2011, 08:48 AM)addy Wrote:  Nice edit Todd. I do like the symbolic use of poppy. Smile I cannot emphasize how awesome your choice of POV is... the serene beauty it speaks of hiding undertones of cold paranoia. You've captured an interesting narrative angle very well
Cool thanks Addy! Without these narrative angles I doubt I'd write anything. Your feedback went a long way toward making this edit, I'm glad you found it effective. Oh, and I'm glad you like the poppy (thanks for the call out on the rose).

Best,

Todd
Hi Leanne,

Thank you for your comments. I'm glad you liked the contrast with the pond (mirror perhaps envies the fact that the pond has no tongue). I appreciate seeing which lines seemed to pop out for you. I had forgotten about the Snow Queen, I'd just remembered that that was in some fairy tale I read, and I tried to think how a magic mirror would be (a sort of tourettes to avoid speaking the truth) and as it sought not to speak it kept coming up with cold references leading to it's ultimate answer. As for truth treads, every choice means you give up something else. I agree that walks is a fairly pedestrian word it sat there for its soft a sound. I probably already accomplish that with the other words in the line (path and shattered). Treads is a better word (I'll give it some thought). I like your take on the snow repetition. I got a lot out of the critique.

Thank you again.

Best,

Todd

Thanks Billy! Your earlier call out on enjambment made me rethink some of those lines. I'm glad you think the changes are a step forward.

Best,

Todd
Hi David,

Thank you for your comments. I'll give some thought to what you say about relacing one of the truths. It's possible that I need to execute the opening a little better. I meant the opening to convey the mirror lamenting that it wasn't mute as the pond is mute, and that stating its opinion was a danger that the pond never had.
I'm glad the ending worked for you, and yes if not for Snow White what might have happened. Although knowing the mirrors luck there was probably someone else in the Black Forest or New Jersey that was also fairer than the queen (she did ask fairest of all when you think about it...she didn't say and if not the fairest where do I rate)?

Thanks again,

Todd
Hi Aish,

Thank you for your kind comments. I will put another vote in for Truth treads. I'm glad you liked the poem.

Best,

Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
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RE: The Second Mirror Avoids the Question (Revision - by Todd - 07-26-2011, 06:06 AM



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