07-22-2011, 11:04 PM
Todd
I like this.
A few nits follow.
Relace one truth with another word if possible.
The surface of the pond is mute...
this really isn't a metaphor
using a pond so this should remain in the mirror I think.
a dull glass of no opinion....
we actually do get the mirrors opinion
Your face is the dawn’s light:
cheekbones rise like mountains,
skin soft as freshly fallen…Truth
is a luxury.
an icy sliver
searching for the heart.
This is excellent. nice imagery.
You are the fairest of them all—
the blooming rose
in sultry summer,
in a land without snow,
snow, snow.
This is the best of the best in this poem. It's a poem all in itself.
She would be the fairest if not for Snow White.
Love the snow snow snow
wish I had thought of that.
Cheers
David
I like this.
A few nits follow.
Relace one truth with another word if possible.
The surface of the pond is mute...
this really isn't a metaphor
using a pond so this should remain in the mirror I think.
a dull glass of no opinion....
we actually do get the mirrors opinion
Your face is the dawn’s light:
cheekbones rise like mountains,
skin soft as freshly fallen…Truth
is a luxury.
an icy sliver
searching for the heart.
This is excellent. nice imagery.
You are the fairest of them all—
the blooming rose
in sultry summer,
in a land without snow,
snow, snow.
This is the best of the best in this poem. It's a poem all in itself.
She would be the fairest if not for Snow White.
Love the snow snow snow
wish I had thought of that.
Cheers
David