(content warning) Sadomasochism

[heslopian]

Where does sexuality end and reality begin?
In the bullet train of lust, as we speed towards
our destination, how do we move on from this? [how do we move on feels redundant because of the next line]
How do we leave the platform? Tie me up,
eat me out, degrade and punish me, piss on my face
and shit in my mouth, cover me in boot polish
and beat me with a homemade switch.
But I can't run my daily life with a chain around my neck. [is but needed]
When I promised to be your slave I meant until
my sac explodes. I can't exactly greet your folks
while wearing seatless leather chaps. Thus we
silently agree that those promises I made
were false. I guess I really am a bitch.

the 1st line feels too contrived for me.

for me, the transitional question from L4 could do with an answer at the end of L7 or something along the lines of a 'do you' before tie on L4
i loved L8 to the end. specially 10 and 11, which ids a great image to contemplate. i like it's tongue in cheek approach to the subject.
i think it has the foundation for a really good poem with a few edits.

thanks for the read as always.

I'm not really sure I can answer the question posed in L4. This poem was about highlighting as opposed to answering. I see what you mean about the redundancy of the question in L3. I may remove it. To me "but" is needed at the start of L8 in order to mark the transition from describing the sexual act to discussing the problems it poses.
Thank you as always for your feedback and kind words

---

I think this piece reads really well... the flow is great, and there's something so honest and natural about the tone which I love. Only you can talk about switches and leather chaps without it sounding contrived or like posturing i quite liked the first line myself? It made the dilemma of the piece clear from the get-go, if sexuality is indeed a fiction, and it was an interesting premise to start.

Thank you very much Addy