Graveyard dancing

[lizzyrose12]

First off, good poem, and I must say your enjambment has really improved; you've got the hang of it now, I think. I'd like to see you vary your themes, perhaps move away from the images of dancing and moonlight, at least for a while, but what you do you do very well, and on the whole you're quite an effective, haunting writer.

A dark October night, with music in the air.

Do you really need the comma after 'night'?

And all alone in this magical place,
Surrounded by ghosts of the past,
And stone cold graves.

I'd suggest deleting the 'and' before 'all alone,' and starting the second line with 'She's surrounded,' as that would improve the flow and syntax (IMHO).

This is the place she has come to dance,
Around the glass angels she will prance.

If I'd have written this I wouldn't put a 'the' before 'glass,' but that's just my opinion.

Not to disturb a single living soul,
Here she stays dancing in the cold.

Excellent half rhyme of 'soul' and 'cold.'

With loneliness at her side,
For it is her best friend.

Wee bit cliche, but if you must have those lines, I'd suggest putting the second in brackets.

With all the time of the night,
The glowing moon light.

Moonlight is really one word, I think, but other than that lovely.

Here, right now she is perfect a mystery dancing beneath the stars,
Tears drip rhythmically with the winds symphony,

I'd have written the first bit like this: 'Here, right now, she's a mystery beneath the stars,' and replaced 'rhythmically,' which I think is too long a word, in the second with 'down.' Nevertheless, these are my favourite lines from the piece, as they capture your gothic intent wonderfully, and are weirdly romantic and dark, like a Bronte sisters novel.

Down from her dark eyes.
And just as the sun begun to rise,
She’s gone, never to be seen again.
Back into the darkness where she can be alone,
Away from hurtful eyes,
Away from this world,
In a place of grace,
Where she continues to dance alone.

I would have ended the poem after the first 'alone,' and replaced the 'be' before it with 'dance.' Everything which succeeds it just seems slightly forced, and 'away from hurtful eyes, away from this world' comes across as cliche, and rather too angsty.

Bear in mind that all this is just my opinion; feel free to think me a fool and disregard it

I won't disregard it. I actually am going through a phase in poetry where I'm writing about dancing a lot. I go through weird phases like that in poetry, like a couple of months ago it was depression, than death, than flowers etc. Yeah, I hate to use cliche lines. I'll try to fix that. Thank you for pointing out all the mistakes I will try to use your corrections. Thanks!