Cold Refrigerator (a Todd piece) revision

[Todd]

Hey CRNDLSM,

Well, thank you for this done in the "style of me" poem. There are some echoes I recognize.

To the poem:

You've made some solid adjustments to the piece. Here are some thoughts around your latest revision.

The title is interesting. Cold Refrigerator would normally be a good thing. In the context of the poem and as a metaphor, I'm taking it to represent the solitary person alone and the end of a relationship.

Revision 2

When the power turns back on,
electricity courses through these walls; veins
reanimate our hearts from the devastating--We start with the personifying of the refrigerator. While the cause could be some physical disaster like a hurricane that feels like backdrop and setting. The power turns back on simply signals that whatever the disturbance or the pain brought be "devastating days" is over. Reanimate our hearts is interesting phrasing. You think of movie monsters (perhaps they became that to each other--the worst was brought out of them by the situation). That their hearts needed to be reanimated implies their hearts suffered a type of death. It's sort of the world snapped back into place and we are forever changed by it.

I'm not a big fan of adjective tags that stand alone like "devastating" They always feel a bit too abstract to me. It isn't awful just a bump in my personal reading.
days.  Nights we stared at the memories,--I wonder if you can slightly draw out how they stare at memories.
blank and irritated from all the food spoiled;
the silence.--Your word choice does a good job of setting the mood. I think it could benefit from a bit more clarity though you have a lot of abstract words that cause me to have a hard time adding emotional resonance too (memories, blank, irritated) Not having an issue with the words necessarily just need some slight help unlocking them so the tension will build. I don't know if I'm making sense.

Yesterday was our anniversary with no where--I'm taking the no where as a deliberate spelling such as no place to actually go.
to refresh the pages of pictures and sequences--perhaps draw sequences out slightly. I think I see where you're going but if feels slightly vague.
of events that shut down the world.--like this line. also I read this as actual events and the specific world of the couple in this poem.

'Go ahead,'
I said,--I take this as a challenge to leave the relationship.

the joke being you never would.
You did;
now the fridge is cold and empty.

I miss the silence--I take this line to mean the world has returned without the other person in it (by their choice).

It was a good read, and it feels like your made some good edits. Hopefully, these comments will give you some things to consider.

Appreciate you doing this.

Best,

Todd