Intuition

[fuzzyllama1]

Hello, fuzzyllama. I have a couple of comments for you.

Edit One:

Intuition.
 
Find yourself, little one. No one will tell you how to do it -- You want to use your line breaks strategically to emphasize key words and create interesting enjambments. Ending on "it" is weak here both because it's a non-evocative word and because we don't actually know what "it" is. I'd change the position of the line break and clarify your argument so that you're not relying here on a pronoun that doesn't correlate to an actual noun.
Rise like troubled, angry waves -- like this
Precipitate down, soak cracks 'neath marks you've made. -- "precipitate" and "down" are redundant to my understanding, since rain falls down by nature. Why "'neath" instead of beneath/underneath? Usually these omissions are to satisfy the demands of meter, but I'm not detecting any regular meter in this piece.
 
Climb the roots, little one. Fibers stretch, pull, grasp -- Who/what do said fibers belong to? Who is the subject of this discussion?
Fill the prints, familiar and lonely
Regain your footing, shoulders back and down, smile and pretend. -- "regain your footing" is a cliche
 
Seek the trees, little one. Look to their leaves, learn from their trunks
Embrace, wrap their wrinkles
Solace awaits you here – halting your progress – benign and cushy. -- Why is the speaker encouraging the little one here to slow down and spend some time with the trees when everywhere else they're being admonished to push forward, embrace discomfort? 
 
Is it too hard, little one? Everyone is tired, who are you to stop?
Collect yourself, pack up
A ship can move your body, a woman can move your soul. -- Good last line. Ties things up succinctly and lets the reader in on the specific topic being discussed.

Overall, I think it tells too much and doesn't show nearly as much as it could. For example, rather than say "regain your footing," how could you demonstrate that process with an image, metaphor, simile? (hint, "shoulders back and down" gives an image).

I wouldn't automatically capitalize the beginning of every line. It's a custom that is fading from usefulness.

The punctuation is haphazard and spotty. I'm an all-in or all-out kinda girl when it comes to punctuation. Just be consistent.

Hope this helps some.

Lizzie

Hi Lizzie, 

Thank you for your time breaking down my poem. Emphasized words, line structure, grammar are all weak points of mine. Your criticisms help me see these things in a much more objective light. With the poem how it is, I do not lead the reader in the direction I want them to go. I'll need to rework a lot of stuff here if I'm going to get my point across. I feel I am going to come back to your comment a lot during my editing sessions!

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Intuition
 
Find yourself little one. No one will tell you how to do it The pep is not really doing it for me.
Rise like troubled, angry waves Spice it up here. Angry waves are cliche homie.
Precipitate down, soak the cracks beneath the ground which you trodded. Trod is already a past participle verb of "tread". -ed is not needed. Maybe another verb?
 
Climb the roots little one. Fibers stretching, pulling, grasping You can convey much more without listing verbs out if you get just a bit more creative.
Fill the prints, familiar and lonely I like your imagery of "filling prints", but please expand on that image! You follow it with "familiar and lonely" which is a bit generic. Edit- The following line says "Regain your footing", and connecting that to filling in prints, the idea is pretty cool.
Regain your footing now, shoulders back and down, smile and pretend. 
 
Seek the trees little one. Look to their leaves, learn from their trunks
Embrace, wrap their wrinkles
Solace awaits you here, tearing apart your future, benign and stupid and cushy. I don't think that "and" is needed there.
 
Is it too hard little one? Everyone is tired; who are you to stop?
Collect yourself, pack up
A ship can move your body, a woman can move your soul. I like the contrast here.

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Edit One:

Intuition.
 
Find yourself, little one. No one will tell you how to do it
Rise like troubled, angry waves
Precipitate down, soak cracks 'neath marks you've made.
 
Climb the roots, little one. Fibers stretch, pull, grasp
Fill the prints, familiar and lonely
Regain your footing, shoulders back and down, smile and pretend.
 
Seek the trees, little one. Look to their leaves, learn from their trunks
Embrace, wrap their wrinkles
Solace awaits you here – halting your progress – benign and cushy.
 
Is it too hard, little one? Everyone is tired, who are you to stop?
Collect yourself, pack up
A ship can move your body, a woman can move your soul.

Knowing this is a seemingly important phrase repeated through the poem, "little one" feels like a patronizing name to call the reader; reading it out loud just makes me feel uncomfortable. The words of encouragement leading up to "little one" are fine. Other gripes with the poem is that it's vocabulary, as well as imagery, is pretty generic, and it ends rather abruptly, which, if it was to be an abrupt ending, I don't know what for. The ending I actually adore now. I read through it as another metaphor with an idealized loved one in it, but this loved one is actually what the poem is about. Also, the "little one" seems to be climbing roots before he sought the trees, which is kind of weird. Needs work. Minor tweaks needed.

Hi Alex,

I'm glad you felt patronized because that was the exact tone I was trying to set with this poem Most of your words ring true with me. A lot of the imagery is generic and I can do better. I'll take your advice into account upon revision.

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Intuition


Find yourself little one. No one will tell you how to do it
Rise like troubled, angry waves 
Precipitate down, soak the cracks beneath the ground which you trodded.
 
Climb the roots little one. Fibers stretching, pulling, grasping
Fill the prints, familiar and lonely I think this line may belong with your image of the cracks in the ground
Regain your footing now, shoulders back and down, smile and pretend.
 
Seek the trees little one. Look to their leaves, learn from their trunks // perhaps "seek the trees, learn from their leaves" 
Embrace, wrap their wrinkles
Solace awaits you here, tearing apart your future, benign and stupid and cushy.
 
Is it too hard little one? Everyone is tired; who are you to stop?
Collect yourself, pack up
A ship can move your body, a woman can move your soul. Love this line. Implies what you're guiding towards is power.

Some thoughts:
I think this poem has some really powerful images and messages. The poem also includes quite a bit "fluffy" language and images which distract the reader and get in the way of the poem. I don't take issue with the phrase "little one" but I would use it sparingly and selectively. You're providing instruction and guidance for the person you're addressing, consider what the message is that you're attempting to communicate; ensure images and wording reinforce and strengthen this message and do not sidetrack your reader. As Faulkner said: Kill your darlings.

Lyon,

As always, your comment is appreciated. I'm going to cut some fluff and generic language when I edit.