Intuition
#2
Overall really enjoyed this! I like the repetition of "little one", as it makes it feel like instructions-- the little one being commanded to find themselves just like everyone else. Also love the tree imagery, starting from the fibers to the trees to the trunks and back to the little wrinkles. Got both macro and micro images, whcih is always cool.

I would probably put a comma before little one, since it's an address. Some inline comments below.

Quote:Find yourself little one. No one will tell you how to do it
Rise like troubled, angry waves
Precipitate down, soak the cracks beneath the ground which you trodded.
I like the rise and fall that mirrors an angry wave's movement. I think the last line might be just a tad long, which makes it feel a bit out of place? Just "trod" is the past tense for tread. "Where" instead of "where".
Also, because I really like this image, I'm wondering if it could've made a reappearance.


Climb the roots little one. Fibers stretching, pulling, grasping
stretch, pull, and grasp instead of the gerund form here, to match with the tense you use throughout Smile I'm thinking of a mangrove forest, where the trees all climb and fight over each other. Maybe because of the water imagery from before.
Fill the prints, familiar and lonely
Regain your footing now, shoulders back and down, smile and pretend.
Fill the footprints of someone else and regain your footing is such a great portrayal of someone trying to grow up and be better

Seek the trees little one. Look to their leaves, learn from their trunks
Embrace, wrap their wrinkles
Solace awaits you here, tearing apart your future, benign and stupid and cushy.
Why is solace tearing apart your future? Is solace benign and stupid and cushy, or is it your future? Got a bit confused for the one line.
I do like "wrapping their wrinkles". I get an image of someone plastic wrapping tree trunks with leaves, to try and make them feel better.


Is it too hard little one? Everyone is tired; who are you to stop?
Collect yourself, pack up
A ship can move your body, a woman can move your soul.
A way to tell the little one to travel and fall in love and meet people to find themselves.
And so it goes :-)


Link to my blog, where I post poetry and occasionally some prose
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Messages In This Thread
Intuition - by fuzzyllama1 - 08-02-2017, 01:31 PM
RE: Intuition - by Lydish - 08-04-2017, 05:23 AM
RE: Intuition - by fuzzyllama1 - 08-04-2017, 08:28 AM
RE: Intuition - by nibbed - 08-04-2017, 06:57 AM
RE: Intuition - by Lizzie - 08-11-2017, 06:38 AM
RE: Intuition - by fuzzyllama1 - 08-15-2017, 07:27 AM
RE: Intuition - by alonso ramoran - 08-13-2017, 11:17 AM
RE: Intuition - by lyon - 08-14-2017, 01:31 AM



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