06-25-2017, 01:56 AM
Spiritthebrave,
First let me say Wow....
Secondly, let me say that this is my second critique so don't sweat it. Also I am sorry if any of this is a repetition of other comments, couldn't read the other comments as they didn't display due to a "lack of intrest" error... anyway.
Third, and lastly, I thought that this poem had some great qualities and characteristics - such as;
Simplicity of;
'-> | Structure - the fact that you stuck to 4 line sets (stanzas?) for the poems' entirety -
| while maintaining captivating imagry - impressive. Hone this, it will be well worth it.
'-> | Timing - I am not going to break down the entire poem. I hope you tried for the timing
| of words, phrases and sets - because there is a great deal of potential in this
| technique.
Your captivating use of imagery, story development, and depth absconded with my dissarmed mind into a labyrinth of thought. Again, a skill tree well worth tending and pruning.
Now the areas I feel you could improve on. I hope you take this as productively as I intend it.
The potholes of focusing on simplicity become deathtraps when the writer sacrifices depth of imagry for uninspiring words. Balance is key in everything, so I would err on the side of selecting asspects of the peice to be simplistic, and parts to be deeply involved.
Other than that nothing jumps to mind.
Good luck and keep up the good work.
First let me say Wow....
Secondly, let me say that this is my second critique so don't sweat it. Also I am sorry if any of this is a repetition of other comments, couldn't read the other comments as they didn't display due to a "lack of intrest" error... anyway.
Third, and lastly, I thought that this poem had some great qualities and characteristics - such as;
Simplicity of;
'-> | Structure - the fact that you stuck to 4 line sets (stanzas?) for the poems' entirety -
| while maintaining captivating imagry - impressive. Hone this, it will be well worth it.
'-> | Timing - I am not going to break down the entire poem. I hope you tried for the timing
| of words, phrases and sets - because there is a great deal of potential in this
| technique.
Your captivating use of imagery, story development, and depth absconded with my dissarmed mind into a labyrinth of thought. Again, a skill tree well worth tending and pruning.
Now the areas I feel you could improve on. I hope you take this as productively as I intend it.
The potholes of focusing on simplicity become deathtraps when the writer sacrifices depth of imagry for uninspiring words. Balance is key in everything, so I would err on the side of selecting asspects of the peice to be simplistic, and parts to be deeply involved.
Other than that nothing jumps to mind.
Good luck and keep up the good work.