02-25-2017, 05:28 PM
Hi, I haven't read the previous critiques, so please forgive if I repeat. I have been having difficulty reading through a lot of darkness, lately. I like it because it seems light, and well, colorful. 
The Artist splashed color onto the page,
Her salty tears gave complexity to the colors she brushed on the page. Much repetition with "color"/page. Shade, Hue, Tint, Blush, Wash/
As they dripped into the colors, Paper, Canvas, Surface
Each color thanked her for making them come alive.
Blue said,
“I yearned to be the color of the skies,
The color of rushing waters,
Your tears showed me the way”. tears: distress, drops, waterworks
Green then exclaimed,
“The color of the leaves in Spring were but an image,
But your being poured into mine,
With each drop I become the very thing I sought”.
Yellow,
With its bright gaze upon the sky, Perhaps: Yellow, brightly gazing to the sky?
“I blinded myself searching for what gives the Sun its radiance,
However it is your warmth that makes me glisten on the page.”
And Red, Mysterious, I am trying to see how/where this change happened
Whose deep and passionate color came from the blood of the artist herself, Maybe eliminating the first "the" in this line.
Did not speak words at all, I was thinking maybe research an artist's color palette,
But only danced across the page, like: Crimson Red, Yellow Ochre, Cerulean Blue, etc.
As the artist and her masterpiece became one. perhaps even eliminating the primaries on this list altogether.
Best Wishes!
The Artist splashed color onto the page,
Her salty tears gave complexity to the colors she brushed on the page. Much repetition with "color"/page. Shade, Hue, Tint, Blush, Wash/
As they dripped into the colors, Paper, Canvas, Surface
Each color thanked her for making them come alive.
Blue said,
“I yearned to be the color of the skies,
The color of rushing waters,
Your tears showed me the way”. tears: distress, drops, waterworks
Green then exclaimed,
“The color of the leaves in Spring were but an image,
But your being poured into mine,
With each drop I become the very thing I sought”.
Yellow,
With its bright gaze upon the sky, Perhaps: Yellow, brightly gazing to the sky?
“I blinded myself searching for what gives the Sun its radiance,
However it is your warmth that makes me glisten on the page.”
And Red, Mysterious, I am trying to see how/where this change happened
Whose deep and passionate color came from the blood of the artist herself, Maybe eliminating the first "the" in this line.
Did not speak words at all, I was thinking maybe research an artist's color palette,
But only danced across the page, like: Crimson Red, Yellow Ochre, Cerulean Blue, etc.
As the artist and her masterpiece became one. perhaps even eliminating the primaries on this list altogether.
Best Wishes!
there's always a better reason to love