02-25-2017, 04:57 PM
I really liked the ending. There's a lot of power in it.
Most of what I think has already been said. I'll repeat though that if you try not to use the same word twice (color), or even words like "but" and "and", your writing will be more rich and, if nothing else, it will make you work harder to do the writing and you'll end up getting better at a faster rate. I picked up on how you tried to link lines using the same phrases though. It was a nice move.
The colors talking feels rushed. It feels like you could go deeper into what they're saying, and get a better look at their feelings. Maybe focus less on what else is yellow or blue and more on the "you transform me into what I always was" angle.
Again, I liked it. Great job with red too. It was pitch perfect.
Most of what I think has already been said. I'll repeat though that if you try not to use the same word twice (color), or even words like "but" and "and", your writing will be more rich and, if nothing else, it will make you work harder to do the writing and you'll end up getting better at a faster rate. I picked up on how you tried to link lines using the same phrases though. It was a nice move.
The colors talking feels rushed. It feels like you could go deeper into what they're saying, and get a better look at their feelings. Maybe focus less on what else is yellow or blue and more on the "you transform me into what I always was" angle.
Again, I liked it. Great job with red too. It was pitch perfect.