Mirror Mirror

[Lizzie]

Hey, Mike   I have a couple of thoughts for you.

[Image: https://monasterydotme2.files.wordpress....002898.jpg]

Mirror, Mirror on the wall,
Long since busted by those who can see through me,
With the special vision, reserved for God,
And those who glimpse my soul,
On an all too regular basis. -- 'on a regular basis' is a commonly used phrase, and I think it boarders on cliche here. I would try to freshen this up with some new language.
 
Busted. Now the imperfections are not just a little dot or blemish,
In need of cleaning with some sparkly Windex or similar, -- I like sparkly Windex, but I would lose 'or similar' as I don't think it adds anything.
I have become unclear to myself,
Unseeing what others see,
Obfuscating the obvious. -- I would cut these two lines, since the ending image of looking in the rear view mirror covers this topic much more evocatively. I feel like this is too much telling and reduces the impact of the showing which comes later. Also, I don't like the way obfuscating sounds. That's a tough one to get the tongue to glide over.
 
Busted. So what to do, now the real halo is exposed, -- I don't understand 'real halo.' What does this real halo consist of? How does it differ from regular ones?
Reflect, pray, change. -- I would actually leave out the easy resolution. I think that the poem has much more impact exploring the idea of becoming unclear to oneself, and there's not usually an easy fix for this in life, and I think that this struggle will resonate with people much more than the prescription here. It takes us too soon out of the tension and then you try to revive the tension in the next lines, and I don't think it works. This could be the focus on its own poem, but I don't think it fits here.
All is possible, but this seems now a terrible, -- I'd take out 'all is possible' too and just focus in on the struggle of the speaker.
Long look in the rear view mirror, -- I think this is a wonderful image -- I'd leverage this metaphor.
Which shows all which looked nice to me. -- the content here is good, I just don't like the repetition of 'which.' And 'nice' is a little weak. I think you could choose a word that has a little bit more emotional oomph.
 
For what now is clear. -- This is a question, yes? I'd put a question mark at the end. I love ending with questions.

Hope that helps some

lizziep