Dark Thoughts

[stampede331]

Truth is too dense to disappear into paper
Too far-reaching to abide within the margins
Too heavy to be supported by one or one-thousand pages

Too multifaceted to be reduced to a title
Too scary to tell in full
Too raw to pass unscathed through its own crucible

Truth is a dark matter...

Hi, welcome to the Pen. This thread is closed for the day to adhere to our "one workshop thread per day" rule. Also, don't forget that every member is expected to post at least one new critique for someone else before posting each new thread. /mod

[crimsonqueen]

Truth is too dense to disappear into paper
Too far-reaching to abide within the margins
Too heavy to be supported by one or one-thousand pages

Too multifaceted to be reduced to a title
Too scary to tell in full
Too raw to pass unscathed through its own crucible

Truth is a dark matter...

It's a simple little free verse, but I feel that you could add to the intensity. The first line..I would say "vanish" instead of "disappear". 

Also, your usage of "abide" in the second is a bit suspect when followed by "within". Are you trying to say that truth cannot be tolerated within margins? Or are you trying to say that truth, itself, cannot tolerate margins? Figure that out and rephrase, accordingly.

The next line ("too heavy") is actually my favorite, but stands out as a bit long compared to the rest. This throws off the rhythm. 

"Multifaceted" isn't an ideal word to use in poetry, in my opinion. Too many syllables. You want to speak your mind, succinctly. Words like "multifaceted" make your poem appear shaky, even if your ideas are firm.

I don't need to tell you that the following line is very weak..

The second to last is overwritten. Again, succinct. How can we express the same ideas succinctly and rhythmically?

The last line is, frankly, hackneyed. How can you say that in a way that hasn't been said, before? If I wrote a poem and wanted to say "the sky was blue", would I put it so simply? Consider that, and good luck!