Glimpsing Darkness

[Lizzie]

glimpsing darkness

Truly seeing -- adverbs are tricky. Use modifiers sparingly -- usually, if the image is solid, it can stand on its own.
in the black air. -- I like black air. Sensory images are good, and what you need more of to bring your reader into the scene.
 
Adjusting to -- do you mean, I am not adjusting to coming through it? If so, I'd say a little bit more about what this adjustment is like. Everything else is about the process of going through, and this feels like an add on. And the placement right at the beginning of the poem is odd, since it's the ending of the story.
coming through it. -- Incomplete sentence, like the one above. Also, I'm chafing a little at "it." Coming through what? I'd like to see some more evocative or precise language to describe the "it."
 
A passenger
and sometimes I
am the driver. -- I would re-word this, it reads awkwardly. Sometimes I am the passenger -- sometimes the driver. Etc. Although, this leads me to believe that the process of going through the tunnel is somehow repetitive? This feels off to me because the ending is about the catharsis of having come through, and there's a sense of finality. 
 
In a tunnel
that I had to
pass through - without
a shortcut and
with no way to
shut my eyes tight
and let it go
whistling by - rushed.
As a favor. -- don't use fragments. A poem needs to be as well written as prose. Also, I don't know what the favor is. It doesn't give me any extra knowledge. You need to take the reader along with you on the journey, you can't assume that they know what you do.
 
I had to pay
deliverance. -- vague, doesn't let the reader into the story
To smell the smoke -- good sensory detail
and worry about
suffocation. -- useful to accentuate tension and anxiety. Good. Just make it a complete sentence.
 
To see the light -- seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is very cliche
I had to do it.
To ride through it. -- you can achieve the 'staccato' effect that you're going for (which I like) by using dashes. "I had to do it -- ride through it."



thanks ahead of time for this forum and for your time to critique my poem. 

Ok, so I actually do like this poem. I like the short lines that highlight the racing pace and staccato feel. I like that there's tension and resolution -- feels like you have a plot line going. The experience of going through something painful and coming out of it is very relatable and that's a good base for a work that will generalize to the broader public. I think you need to either make it more personal (give more details) or make it very general (maybe even write it in the 3rd person). I feel like you're trying to talk about your life without talking about it. I understand and respect that you need your space and your privacy, but you brought it up, so you need to either really go there or give people some handles to apply it to their own experience.

Good having you here in the forum, and I look forward to seeing what you do with it for a revision.

Enjoyed the read, ><

lizziep