07-10-2016, 09:12 AM
no constructive feedback apart from the stan getz line, for me it too glibb; though it could just be me. the poem gave me a kick and while there's not lots of imagery, the story held me. sorry for not giving more
(06-22-2016, 02:35 AM)Erthona Wrote: Post Beat Modern (for milo)
Brushes soft on a hi-hat,
tenor sax blows soft with a
vibrato not heard since Stan Getz.
In a booth under the stairs,
he simpers and
reaches out to stroke her hair,
but she's grown balls and pulls away.
He has to catch himself
from falling into her lap
—so over-extended—
"Eat me," she says
as she stands and walks away.
Confusion and hope war on his face
as he cannot decide if he's been put down, no need for as
or made an offer.
The Jazz plays on.
erthona
©2016