The Breeze

[ellajam]

Hi, James, this is a clear and smooth read. I can live with the repeat of I beg of you but I'm not a fan of it, the whole poem is a plea and I doubt you need it. It certainly was a relief when you gave it up at the end. I found this line awkward:Thought you that you could see it all. I particularly like the last 6 lines. Good luck with it.

The Breeze

Open the door and let the breeze through
I beg of you, I beg of you
For the room is small and the air is warm
And you’re deep inside and you’ve closed the door
So open it I beg of you,
And let a fresh breeze through.


Don’t picture it but look outside,
I beg of you, I beg of you,
For there are no storms and the day is mild
And the fields are fresh where the grass grows wild
Let the atmosphere wash over you,
And let a soft breeze through.


You’ve been inside for far too long
I beg of you, I beg of you,
You sat and faced a painted wall
Thought you that you could see it all
But things have changed as they always do
So let the new breeze through.


But wanted I to change you too
And to this end I painted you
I fancied you would come and see
But you stayed inside and you painted me
And painted pictures blow away
When you let a true breeze through.