Redshirts (Revision)

[Todd]

We chose security over science,
and draped in blood, die bloodless
under the not-blue First three lines are strong. Comma between blood and die makes a difference, yes.
sky. Ever dowsing rods
to child gods—whose first contact
is our last—inexorable lodestones Don't see why the separation between first contact and child gods must be an em dash. I find the lack of completion in this sentence and the weight of the word "inexorable" a bit detracting. As much as the slight addition to the imagery is welcome, I think the dowsing rod image was already perfect for both elements of strangeness, so in fact, "lodestone" too is too much, for me. Perhaps:

sky, we dowsing rods
to child gods and
rogue androids seeking

with the details you added here, the first contact and the human understanding, being after the gerund replacing the what-to-me-sounds-awkward "that needs".
for every rogue android
that needs to understand
how humans work.
There is a light that blossoms Agreed with earlier comment, that though economy is good, "yet" (or "but", to taste) would add force to the contrast.
orange within our chests, The only awkwardness here for me is how close red and orange are, though soundwise this and the rest are good.
till we are cinders
within this sack of sparks,

only ever last names. I think the white space is effective emphasis, especially for a poem that has little to offer (though what little thing is offered is quite novel, at least for me) -- removing it might make this more, er, economical, but also less forceful.

Very, very close to being perfect, or perfect enough for the subject. Lovely.

Hi RN, Thank you for taking the time with this one. Appreciate the feedback on what is and is not working for you. Good catch on that needs. I'll needs (kidding)--I'll need to review that entire section. Yes, the emdash probably isn't getting me what I want. Very helpful comments throughout. Thanks.

Best,

Todd