Redshirts (Revision)

[Todd]

Revision

We chose security over science,
and draped in blood, die bloodless
under the not-blue 
sky. Ever dowsing rods
to child gods—whose first contact   These three lines are my favorite
is our last—inexorable lodestones  <--- excellent addition 
for every rogue android
that needs to understand
how humans work.  I still feel something is missing between this line and the next
There is a light that blossoms
orange within our chests,
till we are cinders
within this sack of sparks,
re-thinking this space before the last line, maybe a bit too dramatic?  Maybe could be replaced with an additional line of text to connect these lines together. 
only ever last names.

I dig the changes you made Todd.  I think this is decent as it is now.  Some of my comments may just be a personal preferences.  

Best,
Nick

Hi Nick,

I appreciate you following up with the revision. I will have to look at the transition on this pass, and see what I think about it. I think that's probably the next area of triage.

Thanks again,

Todd