Redshirts (Revision)

[Todd]

Good fun.

We chose security over science,
and draped in blood die bloodless    this didn't bother me, but commas could clarify
under the not-blue 
sky. We are dowsing rods             Not saying you should, but I wondered when I read about connecting these/cutting out the "We are", so not-blue sky, dowsing rods to .....
to child gods and rogue androids.
There is a light that blossoms
orange within our chests,
till we are cinders
within this sack of sparks,
                                          I usually like breaks, not sure if this one accomplishes much
only ever last names.           This is most likely personal preference, but perhaps ever only instead of the only ever

Hi Akira,

Appreciate your time and comments. Yes I may need to punctuate differently in L2. I was conscience of the amount of "we are's" so any way to cut that back would probably be an enhancement. I'll give some more consideration to the white space, and onlyevereveronly--It probably is a preference but I'll try to listen to what sounds better to my ear and use that in the next revision. Again, very helpful. Thank you.

Best,

Todd