Redshirts (Revision)

[Todd]

We chose security over science,
and draped in blood die bloodless
under the not-blue
sky. We are dowsing rods
to child gods and rogue androids. These lines are superb, but the double hit on the image takes away the first it may be better to introduce rogue androids separately
There is a light that blossoms
orange within our chests,
till we are cinders
within this sack of sparks, this is such a good line

only ever last names.

Oh so sad, one lost so early in the story, the title works really hard and has a double hit when draped in blood, I hadn't thought of star trek but I guess it also fits the title and theme so I may be missing something, the line breaks are spot on and a lesson to us all, I like the switch upbeat of still having each other, it makes the drop much deeper for the end line, I also enjoyed the robotic interplay throughout, a well crafted poem indeed. Keith

Hi Keith,

Appreciate the comments especially your insight on the placement of the android part. I have to give it some more thought but I think you make a good point--too much of this feeling like a series (gods, android, etc) may strip the individual components of their power. 

Best,

Todd