Redshirts (Revision)
#4
Good fun.


Quote:We chose security over science,
and draped in blood die bloodless    this didn't bother me, but commas could clarify
under the not-blue 
sky. We are dowsing rods             Not saying you should, but I wondered when I read about connecting these/cutting out the "We are", so not-blue sky, dowsing rods to .....
to child gods and rogue androids.
There is a light that blossoms
orange within our chests,
till we are cinders
within this sack of sparks,
                                          I usually like breaks, not sure if this one accomplishes much
only ever last names.           This is most likely personal preference, but perhaps ever only instead of the only ever
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Messages In This Thread
Redshirts (Revision) - by Todd - 01-29-2016, 08:32 AM
RE: Redshirts - by Brujo - 01-29-2016, 09:43 AM
RE: Redshirts - by Todd - 01-30-2016, 12:50 AM
RE: Redshirts - by Keith - 01-29-2016, 06:12 PM
RE: Redshirts - by Todd - 01-30-2016, 12:54 AM
RE: Redshirts - by Akira - 01-29-2016, 10:48 PM
RE: Redshirts - by Todd - 01-30-2016, 12:58 AM
RE: Redshirts (Revision) - by Todd - 01-30-2016, 03:50 AM
RE: Redshirts (Revision) - by Brujo - 01-31-2016, 02:36 AM
RE: Redshirts (Revision) - by Todd - 02-01-2016, 11:53 PM
RE: Redshirts (Revision) - by RiverNotch - 02-01-2016, 12:21 AM
RE: Redshirts (Revision) - by Todd - 02-01-2016, 11:58 PM



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