Apartment pool

[kkieran]

By the window,
a child wakes from the light.
Stirring on his mattress,
he watches the walls of his room
live & die
live & die
from the strange electric glow,
still dancing in rhythm
to the hiss of the city night.

I'd rework the first two lines, as it doesn't flow as nicely as the rest of the piece. Try removing any unnecessary 'the's and 'and's.

the third line,- I'd say 'stirring in sheets'

4th line-I'd take out 'of his room' since we already know he's in bed, this isn't needed

I love poetry that examines random moments and breathes life into them, and that's what you've done here.