Apartment pool

[Erthona]

By the window,
a child wakes from the light.   (Probably if you are going to have the direct object "the" it should not be followed up by the indirect object "a" as it weakens the the line. Probably best to reverse the two.)

A child wakes from the light (what kind of light, I know it is defined later on, but a hint now might help, maybe some color like "silver and aqua") coming through the window.
 
Stirring on his mattress,
he watches the walls of his room
live & die
live & die (I think "life or death" would work better here as it is less a conditional state which puts strain on the poem that it doesn't seem able to support)
from the strange electric glow
(that)still dances to the rhythm
of the hiss that is the city night.

Sorry, got a little carried away there at the last. The truth however is there is not much to go on here. It is only a description and it does not say much, maybe it is trying to imply that there is little hope for the kid.. compare to Ginsberg;

"angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night,
who poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat up smoking in the supernatural darkness of cold-water flats floating across the tops of cities contemplating jazz..."

Notice the difference in power. The poem here lacks much in the way of energy to drive it. It is not driven through word usage, or energetically through some form of energetic rhythm.
I just one could say it works as an imagist poem, but for me most of those came across so flat.

I just have this feeling you had this idea and threw it out on paper, without really considering the dynamics. Sure you can pull some heartstrings, but children will always do that, that's like shooting fishing in a barrel. I think the writer can do better.

Best,

dale