12-31-2015, 03:49 AM
I have posted it here, as I would like really any kind of feedback. Definatly where the meter is lost, maybe on the tenses (I just know I make mistakes there), take special care with the "that"s and "which"es and propably the different "of"s. I think, I also tend to put my "`" into the wrong places. I hope I have got all the spelling mistakes right now ... but maybe I missed some? Maybe some of my expressions are weird, please let me know! Oh...to make this even harder for you, you might have to take it into account, that I am trying to fake British English, and not American. I have not put the poem into Novice for being scared of "serious" critique, but because I value the less serious ones just as much. (The bee reminds you of your mum? Haha, really?! I'd like to know.) Really, I am not too bothered where in the forum the Crow and the Girl can be found.
I also wanted to ask: I have tried to stick to the classical unities to create more of a feeling of a fable or a theaterplay. Do you think I managed to do so? Do you think it makes sense to even try to do that in poem?
Reading through other critiques, there seems to be lot going on about capitalisation. Already when writing the poem I was thinking about putting a capital on all the animals; due to "correct writing" I have chosen to take the small letters. Do you think it would be better with capitals?
I also wanted to ask: I have tried to stick to the classical unities to create more of a feeling of a fable or a theaterplay. Do you think I managed to do so? Do you think it makes sense to even try to do that in poem?
Reading through other critiques, there seems to be lot going on about capitalisation. Already when writing the poem I was thinking about putting a capital on all the animals; due to "correct writing" I have chosen to take the small letters. Do you think it would be better with capitals?