11-29-2015, 07:07 PM
This is pretty good for "Novice". I liked the first six lines, and L5 in particular.
But after that alas, it read like prose with line breaks.
The other issue that I have is that it's not clear from the text in what sense G_d is after "efficiency" - blind obedience, check. Ego massaging, check. But not "efficiency".
But after that alas, it read like prose with line breaks.
The other issue that I have is that it's not clear from the text in what sense G_d is after "efficiency" - blind obedience, check. Ego massaging, check. But not "efficiency".