11-05-2015, 07:17 PM
I could feel the difficulty of movement in the imagery you used. If feeling stuck is what you were going for then I think you did a good job. I'm not really digging the use of the word clamor and I'm unclear what you are trying to convey in the last couple of lines although I liked your "urge to urge" line. It's a little clunky however I liked it.