January Floods

[charlie142]

January Floods

It's not a
crash
a plunge
a tumble -
Rather a dull
thud
- then the slow,
seeping
Explosion of a violet
invasion

an army of strain
in the squalor of the sighs

[Brownlie]

January Floods

It's not a
crash
a plunge
a tumble -
Rather a dull
thud
- then the slow,
seeping
Explosion of a violet
invasion

an army of strain
in the squalor of the sighs

There is definitely some sound working here, but I don't really know what you're describing. For instance, where are these January Floods?

[Magpie]

Hi, I'm also struggling with this a little bit, although it is interesting. It would be easier to read more fluently with more punctuation, mostly full stops. 


January Floods

It's not a
crash
a plunge    -I wonder if these two lines are necessary
a tumble -  or if they are adding anything extra
Rather a dull
thud
- then the slow,
seeping
Explosion of a violet -When I first saw violet here I started to think about crocuses that
invasion                      appear in late January, is this the flood perhaps? However I'm now
                                wondering if it's a possible typo 'violent'
an army of strain       - also is this gap between lines intentional, I know that the editor sometimes puts
in the squalor of the sighs     gaps in for some reason.

I wish I could offer more but at the moment that's all I have. But full stops to define each sentence better would make it read more fluently.


Mark

[Balor1712]

I think your piece works better if you 2 of the three (crash, plunge, tumble) as they all convey the same message and seem to repeat (personally, I like crash because it conveys a flood). I, too, would like to know if you mean violet or violent. If it is violent, I am assuming that January floods are avalanches?

[xyroph]

January Floods

It's not a
crash
a plunge
a tumble -
Rather a dull
thud
- then the slow,  
seeping
Explosion of a violet
invasion

an army of strain
in the squalor of the sighs Maybe a little elaboration on the sighs? They sound important, since you could have omitted the "the" beforehand.

I agree that the wording is absolutely beautiful, but its impact is limited by its vague-ness. That said, I suspect more detail would disjoint the flow, and this piece does have great flow in my opinion. I dont know what follow-able advice I can offer, so I'll just read the poem over and over and appreciate what it has to offer 

[samyarb]

I had a hard time trying to understand this poem. I re-read it several times, and it just doesn't flow well. 

"-then the slow              
seeping
Explosion of a violet             You capitalized "Explosion" which made me think that was a separate idea from the slow seeping and it just didn't read well
invasion"

I don't really understand the space at the end either, separating "an army of strain".  I don't think it is necessary.
I think I would enjoy this poem more if I knew what you were describing.

[ThePen]

January Floods

It's not a
crash
a plunge
a tumble -
Rather a dull
thud
- then the slow,
seeping
Explosion of a violet
invasion

an army of strain
in the squalor of the sighs

This poem is quite suggestive. I like that you use so many words that connote sound: "crash", "plunge", "tumble", "thud". What I do not understand is the inclusion of "violet". Is rain not supposed to be blue, like water?

I still do not, however, understand the last stanza.

[DrGoldsmack]

January Floods

It's not a
crash
a plunge
a tumble -
Rather a dull
thud
- then the slow,
seeping
Explosion of a violet
invasion

an army of strain
in the squalor of the sighs

I like the visuals that you are providing, I must say i enjoy abstract poetry. However I am somewhat thrown when you say "explosion of violet".

[enigmaticexistence]

It's not a
crash
a plunge 
a tumble - tumble doesn't seem like the right word here; doesn't have the same strength as the two words you're also using to describe the same thing (crash, plunge)
Rather a dull
thud perhaps ... here rather than the - in the next line
- then the slow, 
seeping
Explosion of a violet
invasion violet invasion - do you mean springtime?

an army of strain
in the squalor of the sighs interesting, i like the thought but not sure what you're going for here

i feel like the last 2 lines contradict the first statement (it's not a crash...) as i feel 'strain' is more relative to the strong forces you were describing at first than the dull thud. overall, i envisioned a soft yet powerful explosion, which was interesting from only a few lines.