Swamp and Batter

[thepoorfortune]

You have some interesting rhymes. Overall, the poem doesn't seem very controlled, just thoughts that meet the rhyme as it goes. You could pull some of those rhymes off if there was more strength concentrated into what's being said.

Like I wrote: "I'll make a point, /Though it may be tough,"

I could understand how vague the poem could be. The stream of consciousness style is always hard to follow. The rhymes were meant to be clever, but never did I intend for it to eclipse my theme.  

Thanks for enlightening me to the fact that my rhymes may be too distracting. Their (less-than-evident) purpose was to carry on the feeling. The "B" from the rhyme scheme makes its way through half of the second stanza and then disappears. This was to show how finite yet dominating a desire the infatuation is. Aside from structural distractions, the whole poem is based on the feelings associated with the early stages of love that could cause one to be swayed into maintaining for the long term ("the urge to urge" if you will) and the ultimate departure from these "much too dense" feelings for the sake of maintaining freedom. Finally, Robert Browning's poem "Life in a Love" is directly referenced as another poem that depicts the same feelings: the speaker loves someone but ultimately decides not to chase them. Sorry for the extensive explanation, but I wanted to make sure that this poem did not seem like I wrote it without "[concentrating] on what's being said".