11-04-2015, 07:36 AM
Draft 2
Through marsh, through swamp,
It does not matter,
Though dark disdain,
It's her I'll flatter.
Such strength my want,
So trite this matter,
It will remain,
So long I stand her.
But Love,
It's not what I'd rather.
So sweet, so sticky,
Like brownie batter.
I'll make a point,
Though it may be tough,
It's great, but,
Much too dense- this stuff.
Original
Through Marsh, through swamp,
It does not matter,
Though dark disdain,
It's her I'll flatter.
Such strength my want,
So slight my clamor,
It will remain,
So long I stand her.
But Love,
It's not what I'd rather.
So sweet, so sticky,
Like brownie batter.
I'll make a point,
Though it may be tough,
It's great, but,
Much too dense- this stuff.
The urge to urge.
Browning's "Life in a Love".
My nerves on nerves.
I'm sure -- I've done enough.
---------------------
Hey guys! This is my first post. Hopefully I've done everything alright so far... I have really enjoyed this site so far and look forward to becoming more of a member on this forum. Moreover, I'm considering scrapping the last stanza in this one as the rhythm really does not sit well with the rest of the poem. Any thoughts on that specifically would be appreciated (in addition to whatever else you see).Thanks for checking this out!
Through marsh, through swamp,
It does not matter,
Though dark disdain,
It's her I'll flatter.
Such strength my want,
So trite this matter,
It will remain,
So long I stand her.
But Love,
It's not what I'd rather.
So sweet, so sticky,
Like brownie batter.
I'll make a point,
Though it may be tough,
It's great, but,
Much too dense- this stuff.
Original
Through Marsh, through swamp,
It does not matter,
Though dark disdain,
It's her I'll flatter.
Such strength my want,
So slight my clamor,
It will remain,
So long I stand her.
But Love,
It's not what I'd rather.
So sweet, so sticky,
Like brownie batter.
I'll make a point,
Though it may be tough,
It's great, but,
Much too dense- this stuff.
The urge to urge.
Browning's "Life in a Love".
My nerves on nerves.
I'm sure -- I've done enough.
---------------------
Hey guys! This is my first post. Hopefully I've done everything alright so far... I have really enjoyed this site so far and look forward to becoming more of a member on this forum. Moreover, I'm considering scrapping the last stanza in this one as the rhythm really does not sit well with the rest of the poem. Any thoughts on that specifically would be appreciated (in addition to whatever else you see).Thanks for checking this out!