10-13-2015, 05:04 AM
Hi Hannah, I really enjoyed this and it resonated with me on several levels. I loved the marriage of the deeply personal thoughts and fears with the onset of Autumn, which always has a powerful effect upon me.
In keeping with one of the previous comments, I felt the elements of repetition were both a strength and weakness. "wish I had someone to wish for" worked really well and tugged at me and I also liked "the lack of a feeling makes me feel more". However, "the lack of hurting hurts" and "fall leaves fall harder" jarred a little and felt slightly forced.
Looking back through the poem, I think the distribution of these lines might be improved. They are largely confined to early part of the work, so they appear very prominent and then suddenly disappear. Fewer instances up top, with maybe a similar device later on, would bring better balance and make the repetition seem a more organic part of the poem.
Hope this helps - it's my first critique.
In keeping with one of the previous comments, I felt the elements of repetition were both a strength and weakness. "wish I had someone to wish for" worked really well and tugged at me and I also liked "the lack of a feeling makes me feel more". However, "the lack of hurting hurts" and "fall leaves fall harder" jarred a little and felt slightly forced.
Looking back through the poem, I think the distribution of these lines might be improved. They are largely confined to early part of the work, so they appear very prominent and then suddenly disappear. Fewer instances up top, with maybe a similar device later on, would bring better balance and make the repetition seem a more organic part of the poem.
Hope this helps - it's my first critique.