Move Wisely
#10
(10-07-2015, 06:48 PM)Weeded Wrote:  Still messing around trying to get it right, let's see if this is closer
Edit 1

Chicken wings take flight
Plant feet wither or harden
No matter what: death
I like this. Hum.
Why "chicken wings"? Anything about food here? Either chickens or wings, for me.
With "chicken wings", I at first thought those feet were also of chickens. Now I'm hungry. Maybe make plants more, er, specific? Or are these really the chickens' feet, in which case you may need a bit of clarification.
Not sure how wither or harden are really different in message, but the subtleties between them's nice. I like that.
That ending. Isn't this too, I dunno, nihilistic for a haiku? But nevermind that.
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Messages In This Thread
Move Wisely - by Weeded - 10-07-2015, 06:48 PM
RE: Move Wisely - by rayheinrich - 10-07-2015, 07:40 PM
RE: Move Wisely - by Weeded - 10-07-2015, 07:49 PM
RE: Move Wisely - by rayheinrich - 10-07-2015, 08:30 PM
RE: Move Wisely - by Weeded - 10-07-2015, 08:41 PM
RE: Move Wisely - by rayheinrich - 10-08-2015, 09:33 PM
RE: Move Wisely - by ellajam - 10-08-2015, 09:38 PM
RE: Move Wisely - by rayheinrich - 10-08-2015, 10:14 PM
RE: Move Wisely - by ellajam - 10-08-2015, 10:18 PM
RE: Move Wisely - by RiverNotch - 10-09-2015, 08:09 PM
RE: Move Wisely - by Weeded - 10-09-2015, 08:15 PM
RE: Move Wisely - by RiverNotch - 10-09-2015, 08:22 PM
RE: Move Wisely - by rayheinrich - 10-10-2015, 11:58 AM
RE: Move Wisely - by Weeded - 10-10-2015, 01:27 PM
RE: Move Wisely - by RiverNotch - 10-10-2015, 01:34 PM
RE: Move Wisely - by rayheinrich - 10-10-2015, 04:08 PM



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