10-04-2015, 08:24 AM
Tectak,
Thanks for the feedback. I'm grateful you viewed this as poetry, I had doubts about posting it and was close to deleting it after reading the other countless works of arts in this forum. I'd definitely argue veracity vernacular with certain intended lines like "me and my" but I wouldn't say the line you mentioned could be argued as VV. I went ahead and changed it along with a couple syllables here and there hopefully so it's not so predictable. Believe it or not this is a true story, so there's really not much I can change as far as content except maybe remove a stanza. Thanks again for reading!
Thanks for the feedback. I'm grateful you viewed this as poetry, I had doubts about posting it and was close to deleting it after reading the other countless works of arts in this forum. I'd definitely argue veracity vernacular with certain intended lines like "me and my" but I wouldn't say the line you mentioned could be argued as VV. I went ahead and changed it along with a couple syllables here and there hopefully so it's not so predictable. Believe it or not this is a true story, so there's really not much I can change as far as content except maybe remove a stanza. Thanks again for reading!