07-30-2015, 06:11 PM
i seldom say this in feedback but it's truly shitty. i know, i too wrote poetry like this joe.
the problem is it's all been said too many times in ways like your poem is written.
step back, look at it [the poem] and the fanny and write exactly what you see [use the imagination] is there a freckle on the right swollen flange-bracket. are the hairs tightly curled and stiff or loose and soft, is it bald and shiny or does it have a few blood spots where she shaved last night, does it smell of palmolive conditioner or does it taste acidic. when you nuzzle it, does it smell like a shithouse door made out of kipper boxes? okay, the last one was cliche of me but you have millions of ways to phrase a line. make it original.
the most important thing about your poem is the fact you wrote it. from here on in it will get better, a good way to write about shagging someone, be it a virgin or a horse, is to allude to it, to never mention it outright, the hymen can be a portcullis or barn door, the dick can be anything apart from dagger; an intercontinental ballistic missile coming through....
if you want to ask someone a question, send a pm or ask in the poetry discussion forum.
the problem is it's all been said too many times in ways like your poem is written.
step back, look at it [the poem] and the fanny and write exactly what you see [use the imagination] is there a freckle on the right swollen flange-bracket. are the hairs tightly curled and stiff or loose and soft, is it bald and shiny or does it have a few blood spots where she shaved last night, does it smell of palmolive conditioner or does it taste acidic. when you nuzzle it, does it smell like a shithouse door made out of kipper boxes? okay, the last one was cliche of me but you have millions of ways to phrase a line. make it original.
the most important thing about your poem is the fact you wrote it. from here on in it will get better, a good way to write about shagging someone, be it a virgin or a horse, is to allude to it, to never mention it outright, the hymen can be a portcullis or barn door, the dick can be anything apart from dagger; an intercontinental ballistic missile coming through....
if you want to ask someone a question, send a pm or ask in the poetry discussion forum.