Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?

[Bananadon]

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And noticed from just their touch
That they've paid for all of their sins?
As living with guilt is far too much.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the tide of their misery
Crash against the palm of your hand?
A life story in one moment of synergy.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the sweat of their crimes?
When closer than any other,
You understand they've done their time.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Their grip, so tight, like love's grasp,
And their eyes pierce yours,
As if to say, how they long to correct their past.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Most have, but few recall,
For they are many in number, but still so rare to find,
They do so much to hide their evil.

Have you ever shaken hands with me?
If so I hope you know my dread,
For what I've done is inexcusable,
And all that I love, is dead.

[ellajam]

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And noticed from just their touch
That they've paid for all of their sins?
As living with guilt is far too much.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the tide of their misery
Crash against the palm of your hand?
A life story in one moment of synergy.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the sweat of their crimes?
When closer than any other,
You understand they've done their time.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Their grip, so tight, like love's grasp,
And their eyes pierce yours,
As if to say, how they long to correct their past.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Most have, but few recall,
For they are many in number, but still so rare to find,
They do so much to hide their evil.

Have you ever shaken hands with me?
If so I hope you know my dread,
For what I've done is inexcusable,
And all that I love, is dead.

Hi, and welcome to the site.

I think, with one exception, you've done a good job with the rhyme here. It is not overbearing or too lighthearted for the subject. In S5 not only is the recall/evil not close enough, I think "that few recall" may not be what you are meaning to say. Surely if the experience was as strong as you say they would recall, but I believe you are saying they never realized whose hand they were shaking, so "recall" is just off in all ways for me.

On your refrain: It is already your title, I think you should consider whether or not repeating it really adds to the impact. If you decide to keep it I think it would improve the poem to change it up a bit each time, or every other time.

L4 needs a tweak, maybe in the punctuation, it's not a proper sentence as is.

Hope this helps, thanks for posting it, I hope you enjoy the site.

[Bananadon]

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And noticed from just their touch
That they've paid for all of their sins?
As living with guilt is far too much.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the tide of their misery
Crash against the palm of your hand?
A life story in one moment of synergy.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the sweat of their crimes?
When closer than any other,
You understand they've done their time.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Their grip, so tight, like love's grasp,
And their eyes pierce yours,
As if to say, how they long to correct their past.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Most have, but few recall,
For they are many in number, but still so rare to find,
They do so much to hide their evil.

Have you ever shaken hands with me?
If so I hope you know my dread,
For what I've done is inexcusable,
And all that I love, is dead.

Hi, and welcome to the site.

I think, with one exception, you've done a good job with the rhyme here. It is not overbearing or too lighthearted for the subject. In S5 not only is the recall/evil not close enough, I think "that few recall" may not be what you are meaning to say. Surely if the experience was as strong as you say they would recall, but I believe you are saying they never realized whose hand they were shaking, so "recall" is just off in all ways for me.

On your refrain: It is already your title, I think you should consider whether or not repeating it really adds to the impact. If you decide to keep it I think it would improve the poem to change it up a bit each time, or every other time.

L4 needs a tweak, maybe in the punctuation, it's not a proper sentence as is.

Hope this helps, thanks for posting it, I hope you enjoy the site.

Thank you, this has been a great help. I will make alterations!

---

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And noticed from just their touch
That they've paid for all of their sins?
As living with guilt is far too much.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the tide of their misery
Crash against the palm of your hand?
A life story in one moment of synergy.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the sweat of their crimes?
When closer than any other,
You understand they've done their time.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Their grip, so tight, like love's grasp,
And their eyes pierce yours,
As if to say, how they long to correct their past.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Most have, but few recall,
For they are many in number, but still so rare to find,
They do so much to hide their evil.

Have you ever shaken hands with me?
If so I hope you know my dread,
For what I've done is inexcusable,
And all that I love, is dead.

Hello: First, I believe the past tense of shake is shook.  There is nothing in my dictionary for a word "shaken", and you can easily change shaken to shook. I see a lot of use of punctuation, but missing in certain places, ie. L2 a period after "touch".
Also there is no need to capitalize the first letter of each line. I agree with Ellajam  that your poem could benefit from alternating the refrain. I wonder if you are speaking about "so many people" bearing guilt for any emotional harm they may have done to loved ones; especially considering the last stanza. Perhaps the mystery "few recall" is because they are ordinary people, just a thought. Hope this is helplfull. Good luck, Loretta

This has been very helpful, thank you. I am certainly going to work on altering the refrain. As for the meaning, you were spot on! Thanks.

[LorettaYoung]

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And noticed from just their touch
That they've paid for all of their sins?
As living with guilt is far too much.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the tide of their misery
Crash against the palm of your hand?
A life story in one moment of synergy.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the sweat of their crimes?
When closer than any other,
You understand they've done their time.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Their grip, so tight, like love's grasp,
And their eyes pierce yours,
As if to say, how they long to correct their past.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Most have, but few recall,
For they are many in number, but still so rare to find,
They do so much to hide their evil.

Have you ever shaken hands with me?
If so I hope you know my dread,
For what I've done is inexcusable,
And all that I love, is dead.

Hi, and welcome to the site.

I think, with one exception, you've done a good job with the rhyme here. It is not overbearing or too lighthearted for the subject. In S5 not only is the recall/evil not close enough, I think "that few recall" may not be what you are meaning to say. Surely if the experience was as strong as you say they would recall, but I believe you are saying they never realized whose hand they were shaking, so "recall" is just off in all ways for me.

On your refrain: It is already your title, I think you should consider whether or not repeating it really adds to the impact. If you decide to keep it I think it would improve the poem to change it up a bit each time, or every other time.

L4 needs a tweak, maybe in the punctuation, it's not a proper sentence as is.

Hope this helps, thanks for posting it, I hope you enjoy the site.

Thank you, this has been a great help. I will make alterations!

---

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And noticed from just their touch
That they've paid for all of their sins?
As living with guilt is far too much.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the tide of their misery
Crash against the palm of your hand?
A life story in one moment of synergy.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the sweat of their crimes?
When closer than any other,
You understand they've done their time.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Their grip, so tight, like love's grasp,
And their eyes pierce yours,
As if to say, how they long to correct their past.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Most have, but few recall,
For they are many in number, but still so rare to find,
They do so much to hide their evil.

Have you ever shaken hands with me?
If so I hope you know my dread,
For what I've done is inexcusable,
And all that I love, is dead.

Hello: First, I believe the past tense of shake is shook.  There is nothing in my dictionary for a word "shaken", and you can easily change shaken to shook. I see a lot of use of punctuation, but missing in certain places, ie. L2 a period after "touch".
Also there is no need to capitalize the first letter of each line. I agree with Ellajam  that your poem could benefit from alternating the refrain. I wonder if you are speaking about "so many people" bearing guilt for any emotional harm they may have done to loved ones; especially considering the last stanza. Perhaps the mystery "few recall" is because they are ordinary people, just a thought. Hope this is helplfull. Good luck, Loretta

This has been very helpful, thank you. I am certainly going to work on altering the refrain. As for the meaning, you were spot on! Thanks.

Hi: I looked up the past tense of shake and found that both shaken and shook.so Joatman is right. Did you ever shake hands with a killer does sound good to me. Best Loretta

[milo]

shaken is called "past perfect" which pretty much means you use it with "have" (passive form). It is used correctly here. Shook would be incorrect.

[i.might.be.a.bit.sad]

I really like the mood that went into this poem. I don't usually like rhyme with hard subjects, but the sort of carefree sound of the rhyme and the subject matter work in your favor here to provide contrast. I do really like the subject matter, as well. The idea is not so abstract as to be hard to grasp, but I've certainly never read a poem quite like this one. I can't think of anything off the top of my head to say bad about this piece, except that it could benefit from stronger word choice. I especially like the last stanza, very moving! great job.

[BelialNaoe]

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And noticed from just their touch
That they've paid for all of their sins?
As living with guilt is far too much.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the tide of their misery
Crash against the palm of your hand?
A life story in one moment of synergy.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the sweat of their crimes?
When closer than any other,
You understand they've done their time.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Their grip, so tight, like love's grasp,
And their eyes pierce yours,
As if to say, how they long to correct their past.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Most have, but few recall,
For they are many in number, but still so rare to find,
They do so much to hide their evil.

Have you ever shaken hands with me?
If so I hope you know my dread,
For what I've done is inexcusable,
And all that I love, is dead.

I like it, for sure, it doesn't feel as forced as many poems can so easily. I feel similar to others about recall/evil, so I won't waste time with it.

The third stanza stands(a) out to me. It's the only one that the middle two lines aren't part of the same sentence, which, doesn't /REALLY/ matter in the scheme of things, it does change the flow when doing a spoken reading.

Also, in the fourth stanza, maybe start the 3rd line with something other than 'and', maybe switching it with as. I don't think the repetition of 'as' would hurt, and I think would make the line a bit more.. poignant? I guess.

(And on an unrealistic note, if you could get Christopher Lee to do a spoken word of this, it'd be just amazing. I read it in his voice from the start!)

[Bananadon]

Thank you all for the feedback and kind words; it has all been incredibly helpful and I look forward to receiving critique on any further poems I post. Thank you for a wonderful welcome to the site.

[YolaSm]

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And noticed from just their touch
That they've paid for all of their sins?
As living with guilt is far too much.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the tide of their misery
Crash against the palm of your hand?
A life story in one moment of synergy.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the sweat of their crimes?
When closer than any other,
You understand they've done their time.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Their grip, so tight, like love's grasp,
And their eyes pierce yours,
As if to say, how they long to correct their past.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Most have, but few recall,
For they are many in number, but still so rare to find,
They do so much to hide their evil.

Have you ever shaken hands with me?
If so I hope you know my dread,
For what I've done is inexcusable,
And all that I love, is dead.

Hello.
I am new to this site as well I really, really enjoyed the theme of your poem. The poetic speaker seeks to be understood and forgiven for their crimes, or at least be given the recognition that they have paid their crimes with guild, the worst punishment of all and through that recognition find redemption. The "killing" could perhaps be a metaphor for all the bad deeds that the speaker carries like burdens that deprive him/her from love. I really liked the twist in the last stanza. Ι loved all of your ideas for they were very clever, my only remark is that I wanted there to be a more intense connection between the second line of each stanza with the rest of the lines of each stanza and that could have been better illustrated through figurative language and images.

For example, in stanza one:

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And noticed from just their touch (I wanted the word touch to be enhanced by (perhaps) a tactile image in the following lines, to depict the subject of the stanza in a more vivid way)
That they've paid for all of their sins?
As living with guilt is far too much.


For example, I would have written :

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And noticed from just their touch
that their skin is rough and sewn with guild,
like the skin of those who've paid for their sins.

I don't claim that I know better and of course each one of us has a different style, I just gave an example here cause I find it hard to express myself as clearly as I would like to.

Again, I really enjoyed your poem, great job!

[Bananadon]

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And noticed from just their touch
That they've paid for all of their sins?
As living with guilt is far too much.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the tide of their misery
Crash against the palm of your hand?
A life story in one moment of synergy.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the sweat of their crimes?
When closer than any other,
You understand they've done their time.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Their grip, so tight, like love's grasp,
And their eyes pierce yours,
As if to say, how they long to correct their past.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Most have, but few recall,
For they are many in number, but still so rare to find,
They do so much to hide their evil.

Have you ever shaken hands with me?
If so I hope you know my dread,
For what I've done is inexcusable,
And all that I love, is dead.

Hello.
I am new to this site as well I really, really enjoyed the theme of your poem. The poetic speaker seeks to be understood and forgiven for their crimes, or at least be given the recognition that they have paid their crimes with guild, the worst punishment of all and through that recognition find redemption. The "killing" could perhaps be a metaphor for all the bad deeds that the speaker carries like burdens that deprive him/her from love. I really liked the twist in the last stanza. Ι loved all of your ideas for they were very clever, my only remark is that I wanted there to be a more intense connection between the second line of each stanza with the rest of the lines of each stanza and that could have been better illustrated through figurative language and images.

For example, in stanza one:

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And noticed from just their touch  (I wanted the word touch to be enhanced by (perhaps)  a tactile image in the following lines, to depict the subject of the stanza in a more vivid way)
That they've paid for all of their sins?
As living with guilt is far too much.


For example, I would have written :

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And noticed from just their touch
that their skin is rough and sewn with guild,
like the skin of those who've paid for their sins.

I don't claim that I know better and of course each one of us has a different style, I just gave an example here cause I find it hard to express myself as clearly as I would like to.

Again, I really enjoyed your poem, great job!

Thanks a lot for your response. I will definitely take this into consideration in my improvements, however I would like to keep the rhyming pattern. Thanks a lot!

[Rose Lanabell Cat Ear]

This poem really engaged my attention.
I love the title, it stood out to me. i also loved how the title had a question mark in it but the first line didn't, you didn't put another question mark until the end of the first stanza. You expanded your question and built upon it.

I thought the third stanza was a little boring compared to the other stanzas, and a little confusing. "When closer than any other,
You understand they've done their time." is confusing. Did you mean that when you are touching the killer, when they are closer to you physically, you can feel that they have done enough time for their crimes? Perhaps add a "they"

I think you need to work on the rhythm of the poem, but I'm not an expert at all in rhythm so I'm not going to give you any further advice on that.

I liked the last line a lot, mainly because it's straightforward and I can relate to it. I feel like you clarified the idea that a "killer" doesn't have to kill people to be destructive and experience guilt for their destruction in that line, which is good.

Over all I really enjoyed reading the poem, even if it was confusing at times.

[Tryingtobe_____]

Oh my god..

"They do so much to hide their evil."

I know this all too well. If this is a story.. just a story. Then you are a brilliant story teller. But, if you really did kill someone you love.
There are parts of the poem that are shaky.
They do so much to hide their evil is a scary line because it implies you could be hiding your evil with this poem. It is the one line that shatters the other lines vulnerable truth-like credibility.

A poem of a psychopath, bringing you in.. and then carefully leaving a crumb.. a line of partial honesty. A line of manipulation.
Well done.
Very interesting. I hope you are.. just a really good story teller.

[PsychicMice]

The rhyme is honestly very impressive, it's a really specific and well thought out structure through and through.
I believe the second line of the second stanza could benefit really greatly from the edit
"Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the tide of their misery
Crash against the palm of your hand?
A life story in one moment of synergy."
to,
"Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt their tide of misery
Crash against the palm of your hand?
A life story in one moment of synergy."

I think the sound of saying "the", "tide", "their" is really monotonous, and while the repetition of the sound may be intentional, I believe a simpler approach to the metaphor would be better.
Just off one reading I was seriously doubting I would have any suggestions for changes. I liked it a lot, great piece.

[jbw1277]

I really enjoyed this. I don't have much negative to say. I will say I am new so don't take my advice too seriously.

I loved the rhythm and beat of the poem, I felt reading it was easy. It felt like reading music.

However, I would be curious to know what you were referring to as I was waiting at the end for some sort of reveal.

One last note. The line "They do so much to hide their evil." Something really grabbed me there. Almost like that could be its own poem. Trying to hone in on what I am thinking but its tough, just noticed that line really got me thinking

[staciamberdawn]

Hi

To start out i really enjoyed reading this. The rhyme and flow is very good and definitely kept me entertained.
My only critic's would be in S4 Line 4 the 'how' seems unnecessary and i feel it could be removed all together.
And then overall S5 feels somewhat awkward to me? I feel like the scheme was completely broke and that the feeling could still be portrayed without breaking the overall flow.

Great start

[jasmine+clovers]

Hello, I'm new here as well

I really, really liked this poem. The rhyme is very good and flows very well. However, I do agree with what jbw1277 said. I would have liked some sort of little reveal at the end. We know that the speaker is in fact a killer themselves and although I think the point was to be playful and coy (despite the morbid subject matter) I'd still like to know a little more.

But honestly, very well done!

[AeroSmitty]

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And noticed from just their touch
That they've paid for all of their sins?
As living with guilt is far too much.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the tide of their misery
Crash against the palm of your hand?
A life story in one moment of synergy.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the sweat of their crimes?
When closer than any other,
You understand they've done their time.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Their grip, so tight, like love's grasp,
And their eyes pierce yours,
As if to say, how they long to correct their past.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Most have, but few recall,
For they are many in number, but still so rare to find,
They do so much to hide their evil.

Have you ever shaken hands with me?
If so I hope you know my dread,
For what I've done is inexcusable,
And all that I love, is dead.

This poem.

I was blown away. The synergy line was excellent. The message seemed fairly direct at first, then the last stanza made me re read it again, and I felt the deeper meaning. The evil line could possibly be tweaked, I just feel like it's not a strong enough rhyme to fit in with the flow, but it can still work.

[ThePen]

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And noticed from just their touch
That they've paid for all of their sins?
As living with guilt is far too much.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the tide of their misery
Crash against the palm of your hand?
A life story in one moment of synergy.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the sweat of their crimes?
When closer than any other,
You understand they've done their time.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Their grip, so tight, like love's grasp,
And their eyes pierce yours,
As if to say, how they long to correct their past.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Most have, but few recall,
For they are many in number, but still so rare to find,
They do so much to hide their evil.

Have you ever shaken hands with me?
If so I hope you know my dread,
For what I've done is inexcusable,
And all that I love, is dead.

I appreciate the originality of this poem. I tend to be more of a classically-bent person when it comes to poetry so I appreciate the fact that you have kept the same number of verses per stanza. Also, I appreciate the fact that you have kept the same rhyme scheme of ABCB, it gives consistency to your poem. I wish you would use better imagery. Some of the imagery you use can be a bit forced, or at least cliched.
Such as the phrase "a life story in a moment of synergy". The term synergy feels a bit out of place, and this feels a bit forced. I would have preferred "a life story in a moment of understanding" but this does not necessarily rhyme. Another phrase that seems out of place is "Their grip so tight, like love's grasp".

Also, it seems that your verses first start with rhythm before becoming longer in rhythm and uneven.

Overall, however, I like the progression. I like that this poem leads voice to the cry of former criminals and is a bit effective at generating empathy. I like the reveal at the end, as to how the killer is actually revealed to be the poet himself.

I enjoyed your poem very much.

[Jezie]

Your title caught me, and had to read it. S5 was a rough patch on a smooth road for me. People ha e already mentioned about recall, so will leave it be. S5 L3 is the longest line and felt like a sore thumb to me. Is it possible that "still" and "so" may not be needed? Oddly, did not expect the ending though, but it was a nice surprise.