Love poems edit 1.0 leah S.0.0001 erthona

[Leah S.]

...and I like your crit.
In order. Yes. Ice makes for easy rhyme. Easy is easy, I like difficult. You are still correct, though...but I do not like mice, nice, rice,dice or lice. Hmmm...I haven't done THAT for a while! Still, I will reconsider...though I have already done so once. Suggestions?
Claim/pain. Guilty as charged. Needs looking at.
No to your suggested grammar change. No to mine, too. The comma after "loon" is incorrect. Will edit out.
Sorry to confuse. Again, my punctuation is wonky. It is meant to read as a list. It doesn't. This will need  close scrutiny to get right. I will rework it. Thanks. Good catch.

This is an example of blindness of the writer. Though I have proof read this several times with St.Emilion I think I will try  again with a Sancerre Rouge...or perhaps just a glass of water....it could take some time.
Best and thanks again,
tectak

It was "entice" I was talking about......I like "ice" right where it is.

...so was I.....but what to rhyme with ice?

Well, you'd have to rewrite the whole line, I think. (",though meant," is deadwood and could be cut to give you scansion room.) I'm drawn to "sacrifice, self-sacrifice, paradise" for options. "Price" has possibilities too, but there is a wormhole just waiting for you to go down here. I don't mean for the whole poem to be rewritten, for sure.