Love poems edit 1.0 leah S.0.0001 erthona

[tectak]

First, I like it. The following are quibbles:
L3 you're straining the rhyme by reversing the word order. Also, it seems unnecessary to say "hearts" when you are talking about one heart. "--ice" is an easy rhyme, I suggest revision.
L7 I was unsettled by the rhyme of "claim" with "pain." All your other rhymes are straightforward, with no other slant or internal rhymes. It seems the overall tone is facetious so I think you could replace either word with an exact rhyme without too much trouble.
L5/6 grammatical suggestion: change it to "You, who would judge the lovestruck loon with cliché cry and claim, forget......."
Last stanza: I have trouble with the sense of it. You exhort your subject (the cynical critic) to read the words of "those who once knew love" but then you interject another instruction to the critic to "find what once was lost." That confuses the whole rest of the stanza. Are you recommending that he read, or that he go and find, "the endless searcher;" the "thwarted soul bereaved, bereft, alone;" and so on? You could change it to "Read words from those who once knew love, to find what once was lost;".
Anyway, it is a fun and wryly humorous read. Write on.

...and I like your crit.
In order. Yes. Ice makes for easy rhyme. Easy is easy, I like difficult. You are still correct, though...but I do not like mice, nice, rice,dice or lice. Hmmm...I haven't done THAT for a while! Still, I will reconsider...though I have already done so once. Suggestions?
Claim/pain. Guilty as charged. Needs looking at.
No to your suggested grammar change. No to mine, too. The comma after "loon" is incorrect. Will edit out.
Sorry to confuse. Again, my punctuation is wonky. It is meant to read as a list. It doesn't. This will need  close scrutiny to get right. I will rework it. Thanks. Good catch.

This is an example of blindness of the writer. Though I have proof read this several times with St.Emilion I think I will try  again with a Sancerre Rouge...or perhaps just a glass of water....it could take some time.
Best and thanks again,
tectak

It was "entice" I was talking about......I like "ice" right where it is.

...so was I.....but what to rhyme with ice?