11-27-2014, 04:39 AM
Wow.
This is kinda epic. Excellent job portraying such a tricky emotion, though I must say that this seems like a very extreme form of loneliness, more like depression with suicidal tendencies.
The only thing I would change (it's teeny tiny) would be the "only" in "odors of a lover you only knew..." I feel like "once knew" or "thought you knew" would better communicate the divide and utter lack if connection between the two people.
But yeah.
You're golden.
This is kinda epic. Excellent job portraying such a tricky emotion, though I must say that this seems like a very extreme form of loneliness, more like depression with suicidal tendencies.
The only thing I would change (it's teeny tiny) would be the "only" in "odors of a lover you only knew..." I feel like "once knew" or "thought you knew" would better communicate the divide and utter lack if connection between the two people.
But yeah.
You're golden.