Eyes

[billy]

i'll reiterate to simon's reply and say that the conjunctions [and] or [or] and the ancillary verb [but] (which can also be a noun) are used at the start of a line as you want the end word of line to hold the reader. often such words cab be edited out or used on the next line. if you write a quote such as
eyes are so important
put it on it's own line inside quotation marks
"eyes are so important"
or in italics
eyes are so important
so it stands out from the rest of the narrative.

this is the 2nd poem of yours I've read and in general the main problem is excess words in the poem.
sometimes line length can change the style of a poem. do you want the reader to get through it quickly or stop and savior certain parts more than others.
thanks for the read.

my friend always told me that eyes are so important [said,] instead of [told me that]
that soft eyes make you feel warm and safe but
the solid eyes will engulf you in the heat of love and no need for the 1st [the] and a period instead of [and]
your eyes were so blue and so safe that what is [so blue] use a better word than [so] no need for the 2nd [so]
I was convinced that your heart was on fire for mine but no need for [that] and no need for [but]
then I realized that your heart was cold and solid a [cold heart] is cliche while heart that's solid isn't, suggestion would be to do away with [that] and[cold and]
just like your deceiving eyes this is a pretty big cliche (a phrase that's been used many times before) go for a more original phrase if you can
-----------------------------------------------------------

Lol so I just registered on this site because I like writing and I don't really want to like tell anyone that I know or show them my writing but I do want feedback on it to know if its good or not or if if makes anyone feel anything.. so yeah i just kinda want feedback