In Love with The Coffeeshop Girl

[StanleyZ]

In Love with The Coffeeshop Girl

Every morning I order a double americano
(So refined!)
and a fresh pastry,
(How continental!)
and write poems about The Coffeeshop Girl.
(He's probably writing a novel...)

The Coffeeshop Girl and I are in love but we're both too shy to admit it.
We tell each other in subtle ways.
I say things like "Good Morning." I smile. I leave a tip.
She says things like "the usual?" and "have a nice day!"

I sit by the window behind a notebook and thick frames.
Another notebook with thick frames sits at the counter, more thick frames with laptops sit at tables.
They say things like "Good Morning." They smile. They leave a tip.
She says things like "the usual?" and "have a nice day!"

We all order double americanos.
(So predictable!)
We all eat the fresh pastries.
(How cliché!)
We write all poems about The Coffeeshop Girl.
(He's probably just like the rest...)
We're all in love with The Coffeeshop Girl.

This is a bit wordy. Some of the longer lines throw off the rhythm, but you could cut a few words here and there to improve the flow. I sympathize with the speaker. He is very consistent. He always orders the same thing, and he is always think about the same girl. The parentheses didn't quite make sense to me at first, but I like to think that they are the comments that the speaker thinks The Coffee Shop Girl is thinking. Going with that interpretation, I really like the fact you capitalized The Coffee Shop Girl. The fact that the speaker imagines her thinking of him writing a novel makes it work for me, after all "The Coffee Shop Girl" wouldn't be a half bad title. Now the speaker seems a bit detached from reality. He thinks that the common interaction the two share is somehow a love connection. Is he in denial? Maybe. Maybe we all are... I love that, because we are all in love with the coffee shop girl! That last line really reinforces the theme of being unsure of we think, and what is real. The parentheses in the last stanza didn't quite work as well in my opinion. I feel like you missed the opportunity to give the reader a little more insight on the coffee girl, or how the speaker views her. The generalization is good, but the parentheses lose that coffee girl thought process effect that is more specific in the first stanza. Also I could live without the thick glasses and lap tops everywhere stanza entirely. That just reminds me of why I hate Starbucks... They covered that in a Family Guy bit, it is pretty funny. Anyways I think you could cut down the word count here significantly without losing anything important. I really like what you are going for, the specific to the general tactic broadens the theme and is a great closer. The body needs a little fine tuning, but I'm not going to lie... I'm in love with The Coffee Shop Girl too.