ephemeral

[billy]

the -'s don't work for me and some of the line lengths read as too short. this makes the poem feel gimmicky.

without the short line length you have what to me is a reasonable poem without cliche i like the last ashore as it make me restart the poem shorter lines need to have lots of purpose or else they ruin the poem.


the shore beckons
waves to hurl their shells is to needed?
empty they leave
impermanent prints before being
wiped by the pull and the push
of rising waters that wash ashore