An Effort Unnoticed

[tectak]

This is a dark poem from when I was in a dark time.

AN EFFORT UNNOTICED

I put my hart on the line
For love and comfort I do pine
All I can muster
But just to a fluster

Every effort I put to the sky
Wiped away in the bank of an eye
My Hart, and mind, and body and more
All, just thrown to the floor

All I have is good intention
But all is failed to mention
To the bone my hands I do work
Only in return a smirk

2 torpedoes speed crossed
Both ships are tossed
2 wrongs does not make it right
All mixed up in a fight

My ship is going down
My hart it does pound
At first hard and fast
Now all in the past

Deeper I go
My hart begins to slow
More and more
Darker and darker

Till all is still
All is silent
No more will
No more fight

The fire gone from my eyes
The flames no more to burn
No more dreams
No more hope

I am; No more

Hello,
I say this kindly, but this is possibly the worst thing I have ever read. Now, you may want to take me to task, but I begin with the naive beliefs that a) You are not a troll,b) You are mentally stable, c) You wish to become a member of a group dedicated to aspiring poetic endeavour.
To the poem. It is banal, illiterate, childish, cliche-ridden and quite hopelessly lacking in anything which is considered "good" about poetry...but you have taken a big step in posting it. The question has to be asked...will you take critique as a helping hand or as a nuclear deterrent which will prevent you ever entering the air-space of the pig pen again? We shall see.
Best,
tectak
Whatever you decide...read more poetry.