Red Tide Procession Edit

[Tiger the Lion]

Edit 1

A week deep
I fill the bed;
drowning in its sheets
while summer slips
past the window, dragging
the sharp scent
of spoiled meat in its wake.

I rise and fall with a Tide
perfumed blanket
draped around my form,
like caterpillar slush
in a wind-caught cocoon.

a mattress is the closest
and furthest thing
from my dreams:

a choir of steamships
roaming an otherwise quiet thought,
and myself,
evaporating into something whole.


Original

I fill this bed
a week deep;
drowning in its sheets
while summer slips
past the window, dragging
the sweet smell
of spoiled meat in its wake.

My face, flooded
with pillow fluff,
rises and falls
and falls with a Tide
perfumed blanket
that's draped around my nape.

a mattress is the closest
and furthest thing
from my dreams:

a choir of steamships
roaming an otherwise quiet thought,
and myself,
evaporating into something whole.

Hello Makeshift. I read this when it was first posted. I enjoyed it but I didn't really have anything to add. Reading again, I sense a grammar issue in S3. As written the mattress is "closest...from". ?? I think you could tinker with the words to get the mattress closest to and furthest from. - Unless I'm reading your intent wrong. - Paul