Red Tide Procession Edit

[ellajam]

Hi, makeshift, welcome back. Here are a few notes.

I fill this bed
a week deep;
drowning in its sheets
while summer slips
past the window, dragging
the sweet smell
of spoiled meat in its wake.
This works well, I like summer slips, but sweet smell didn't bring the spoiled meat for me, maybe something along the lines of pungent perfume.

My face, flooded
with pillow fluff,
rises and falls
and falls with a Tide
perfumed blanket
that's draped around my nape.
a mattress is the closest
and furthest thing
from my dreams:
flooded with pillow fluff falls flat for me. I'm not sure what the second "and falls" brings, but I love the tide/Tide.

a choir of steamships
roaming an otherwise quiet thought,
and myself,
evaporating into something whole.
Strong first two lines here, I don't quite get the last line yet.

Hope this helps, thanks for posting it.