Red Tide Procession Edit

[billy]

i think you start off a bit to weak and get stronger, the last stanza is enjoyable, i wasn't sure about the last line but it does work if i think of someone coming to (awakening) i had a bit of a problem picturing the blanket drape round your neck seeing as you were in the bed and not standing.

i do have a suggestion for the start and that is to swap the first two lines over. (and change [this] to [the]) what other bed wold it be?

I fill this bed
a week deep;
drowning in its sheets
while summer slips
past the window, dragging
the sweet smell cliche
of spoiled meat in its wake.

My face, flooded
with pillow fluff,
rises and falls
and falls with a Tide i do like this line, and i know the smell
perfumed blanket
that's draped around my nape. just the neck or the whole body?

a mattress is the closest
and furthest thing
from my dreams:

a choir of steamships i can hear them, really strong sounding image (if that's possible
roaming an otherwise quiet thought,
and myself,
evaporating into something whole.