07-16-2014, 05:16 AM
Thank you and I appreciate your help. I just put my first revision before I read your comments. I see what you mean about "redundancy in pronouns" and trying to "show what the speaker is feeling without stating it" Those are the ones I'll focus on for now. Yes this poem was edited before I posted it because it was a bit explicit, though tasteful, I think..... so it actually continues on from this ending. I chose that part as the ending to leave it to the reader to think where it would go from there. I'm glad you did like it. Thanks again!